- FEATURED BIT: “BIDEN-TRUMP DEBATE RECAP”
Everything you missed from the big showdown!
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DAILY HOLIDAYS
- Drive Your Corvette to Work Day
- Insurance Awareness Day
- International Body Piercing Day
- INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY
- National Ceviche Day
- National Cream Tea Day
- National Food Truck Day
- National Tapioca Day
- Paul Bunyan Day
- Tau Day
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ONE-LINERS
== TOP O THE NEWS ==
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Vice President Kamala Harris said that last night’s (Thursday) debate “is going to frame the race.” Kamala’s correct because after that performance she and Joe are gone faster than the crack in Hunter’s pipe.
The debate was held in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia. Which means everyone in attendance strapped on their fanciest bulletproof vests.
Featured Bit: “TRUMP BIDEN DEBATE RECAP”
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A mountain-size “planet killer” asteroid made a close approach to Earth yesterday (Thursday). In fact, it was so close that we almost had to recruit a team of misfit deep-core drillers to save the planet.
== POLLS, STUDIES, AND SURVEYS ==
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A new survey finds that 85% of people work with annoying colleagues. And the other 15% work with EXTREMELY annoying colleagues.
Among the most annoying coworkers listed was the “lunch thief.” And this is especially true when you’re an assistant for one of the ladies on “The View.”
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A new study finds that putting mushrooms in the sun drastically increases their vitamin D content. But these days, many men are just sunning their mushroom TIP.
== AROUND THE NATION ==
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A Massachusetts man learned the value of loyalty when he won a $1 million lottery prize at the same store where he has bought tickets for 20 years. So, when you add in his losses, he’s now only down $25,000-dollars!
There is certainly a moral to this story -- consistency, patience, and perseverance are key when being a gambling degenerate.
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A rare case of a sexually-transmitted infection (STI) that is known by some as a “ringworm” was recently reported in California. Which means more men will want to skip the Tinder dates and just stay home to burp the worm.
== AROUND THE GLOBE ==
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Japanese instant noodle giant “Nissin Foods” released the new pufferfish flavor this week. Which is noteworthy because it somehow makes McDonald’s “Filet O Fish” sound desirable.
Pufferfish is regarded as a luxury in Japan and a meal featuring the potentially poisonous delicacy can easily cost up to 20,000 yen (US$125) at high-end restaurants. Which is why most men just stay home with their wives and dine on clam instead.
== SHOW BIZ BUZZ ==
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During a new podcast appearance, Austin Butler played coy when discussing whether he will star in “Heat 2.” Women across the country hope it’s true because whenever he’s on screen they’re IN heat.
Adam Driver may also join the cast, playing a young version of Robert De Niro's character. Which is great because the younger version of De Niro is way less annoying.
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Kevin Costner’s new movie “Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1” comes out today (Friday). Apparently, it’s three hours long and super boring…so at least it’ll be great for people who suffer from insomnia.
== CELEBRITY DRIVEL ==
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Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny have rekindled their romance, and they aren’t hiding their on-again relationship anymore. Which is odd because everyone thought Kendall would go back to her roots and destroy a basketball player’s life instead.
I’m telling ya, the Kardashian-Jenner curse is real in the NBA. They’ve ruined more athletes’ careers than drunk driving and domestic abuse combined!
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Ben Affleck was photographed appearing downcast in Los Angeles. He was wearing his wedding ring again, which would explain all the sadness.
== SPORTS SPURTS ==
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Matthew Stafford’s wife, Kelly, apologized for the “media storm” she created after revealing that she dated her husband's backup QB in college to make him jealous. Kelly swears that the next time she talks about “balls” it’ll be footballs.
Kelly talks a lot about plowing it in the endzone. And also scoring touchdowns.
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A new report says that the New York Knicks intend to sign forward OG Anunoby to a five-year, $212.5 million contract once free agency opens on Sunday. So, at least this dude will be able to afford nice jewelry because he’s NEVER winning a ring.
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GENIUS AWARDS
AND TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
JAMAICA STATION, NY -- A disgruntled former JetBlue employee was arrested Wednesday for calling in a phony bomb threat and leaving a cellphone with a note that read “explosive device” inside the TWA Hotel at JFK International Airport. Dillon D. Vista — who was canned by the airline during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic — allegedly left the cellphone in the lobby of the iconic hotel.
Moments later, 32-year-old Vista allegedly called the Port Authority Police Department’s JFK desk from an airport parking lot around 11:00 a.m. and told them a cellphone bomb was inside the hotel, where rooms range from $559 to $1,052 per night, according to its website. A bomb squad unit swooped in and found the threat to be fake. Port Authority cops arrested Vista at Jamaica Station after scouring surveillance footage, which showed him near the hotel and fleeing via the AirTrain.
His arrest came years after getting let go from the airline, sources told The Post. “Send this blank e-mail to help get my job back!” he bizarrely wrote on Instagram, showing an email addressed to JetBlue CEO Joanna Geraghty last year. “Bring Dillon back!” he wrote in the subject line. Sources said the airline has a restraining order against Vista after he repeatedly showed up to the office and harassed employees following his firing.
Luckily, there was no actual threat to anyone’s wellbeing. So, it was like the opposite of boarding a Boeing plane.
He’s waiting on a court date. But just like a JetBlue flight, it’ll be delayed for a while.
AND THEN THERE’S……
LONG ISLAND, NY -- Two Long Islanders are facing 14 petit larceny charges after allegedly stealing used cooking oil from multiple Suffolk County restaurants. Suffolk Police say 30-year-old Oliver Lorenzo Valdez, of Central Islip, and 28-year-old Juan Hernandez, of Brentwood, committed the crimes across Suffolk County between April and June. According to officers, one of the locations was Bagels 101 in Middle Island. The manager said he was not aware of the theft.
The theft, he explained, likely occurred behind the business. It’s where a dumpster is located for the particular waste. "When we use cooking oil what we will do is take it from there, come out, pour it in to there and then just close the dumpster and leave,” explained Vinny Proscia, manager at Bagels 101. They share the dumpster with Meltology, a grilled cheese shop next door to Bagels 101 that Suffolk police say was also targeted. A News 12 crew noted what appeared to be surveillance cameras fixed on the dumpster.
Suffolk police say that criminals typically take used cooking oil from dumpsters or drums and during overnight hours. The theft at Bagels 101 occurred around 8 in the morning on June 13, which unnerved Proscia. He said, “that’s like broad daylight. You have people running around, usually out back and everything like that. Just crazy." Used cooking oil is lucrative to thieves as it can be converted in to renewable diesel and sold on the black market.
These guys threw their lives down the drain. Just like most renting tenants do with their cooking oil.
Who knew there was a black market for used cooking oil? I better stop dumping that stuff into the trash so I can start dumping cash into my bank account!
OR HOW ABOUT……
CLARENDON COUNTY, S.C. -- A former correctional officer in South Carolina had an intimate relationship with an inmate for a little over a month and thought she was pregnant with his child. 20-year-old Kiefer Ren Gibson of Manning was fired from her job at the Turbeville Correctional Institution after the sexual relationship with the inmate between September 20, 2023, and October 31, 2023, became known.
She started working with the South Carolina Department of Corrections (SCDC) on August 21, 2023. According to affidavits, Gibson told another SCDC employee she got a tattoo of the inmate's name on her body on September 25, 2023. On October 12, 2023, Gibson was accused of bringing over 174 grams of marijuana to the inmate.
She is charged with criminal sexual conduct with an inmate, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and criminal conspiracy. Gibson was fired from her most recent job at Kirkland Reception and Evaluation Center, according to SCDC officials.
Truly crazy! She almost got knocked up by a dude who’s LOCKED UP.
She was having sex with an inmate. Which brings us to the new show, “Orange is the New CRACK.”
OKAY, ONE MORE……
MOBILE, ALABAMA -- Mobile Police have arrested a man who reportedly threw a wrench at a home on Knob Hill Drive. 45-year-old James Edward Kelly of Theodore was arrested Tuesday and is now in Mobile Metro Jail. He is accused of one count of third-degree criminal mischief. Kelly was arrested in connection to a June 10 incident where a man is seen throwing a wrench at a door in a Ring doorbell video.
He also reportedly left a coffee mug on the porch of the home that reads, “Respect All, Fear None.” A similar video occurred at the same home on June 4 where an unknown person reportedly threw a tire iron through a window, which spurred the homeowners to install the Ring camera. Kelly is set to appear in court for a bond hearing on Wednesday, June 26.
His family is devastated by the arrest. They’re calling it absolutely gut-WRENCHING.
This guy thought he’d get away with it. But the cops really threw a monkey-wrench into his plans.
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BENCHMARK GAMES
== PORN STAR OR WEATHERMAN ==
I’m going to read you the name of a showbiz personality and I want you to tell me if the person is a PORN STAR or a WEATHERMAN
Mike Bettes ….. WEATHERMAN (Host of Weather Underground)
Preston Parker ….. PORN STAR
Ryan McLane ….. PORN STAR
Dallas Raines ….. WEATHERMAN in Los Angeles
Daniel Fahrenheit ….. WEATHERMAN (Invented the thermometer)
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BEST TWEETS
Carmella Cannoli @piccolobutt…I’d participate in thigh Thursday just so you could see all my mystery leg bruises.
Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa…I don’t always deny my kids Amazon order requests, but when I do it’s because my daughter tries to buy an at-home ear piercing kit.
LL Gabagool Jay @JayTorch1031…When I say “I’m doing core today”, it just means I’m eating the entire apple.
Hollie Harris @allholls…Sometimes I'm the reason we can't have nice things.
Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes…I hate when I'm singing along to a song & the artist gets the words wrong.
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THOUGHT OF THE DAY
I don’t go crazy. I AM crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
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ON THIS DAY……
JUN 28, 1776
The final draft of the Declaration of Independence is submitted to Continental Congress
JUN 28, 1914
Franz Ferdinand, Archduke of Austria, and his wife Sophie are assassinated in Sarajevo by young Serb nationalist Gavrilo Princip, the casus belli of WWI
JUN 28, 1935
FDR orders a federal gold vault to be built at Fort Knox, Kentucky
JUN 28, 1939
Joe Louis TKOs Tony Galent in four rounds for the heavyweight boxing title
JUN 28, 1953
The eighth U.S. Women's Open Golf Championship is won by Betsy Rawls
JUN 28, 1957
Baseball Commissioner Ford Frick removes members of the Cincinnati Redlegs from the All-Star game and names Stan Musial, Willie Mays, & Hank Aaron to the team
JUN 28, 1964
The Organization for Afro-American Unity is formed in New York by Malcolm X
JUN 28, 1965
First U.S. ground combat forces in Vietnam authorized by President Lyndon B. Johnson
JUN 28, 1967
Beatles member George Harrison is fined £6 for speeding
JUN 28, 1969
A police raid on the gay bar “Stonewall Inn” triggers spontaneous, violent demonstrations by members of the gay (LGBT) community in NYC; The “Stonewall riots” constituted the most important event which sparked America's gay liberation movement
JUN 28, 1971
U.S. Supreme Court (8-0) overturns draft evasion conviction of Muhammad Ali
JUN 28, 1973
The Black Sports Hall of Fame forms: Paul Robeson, Elgin Baylor, Jesse Owens, Jim Brown, Wilma Rudolph, Joe Louis, and Althea Gibson are elected
JUN 28, 1977
The Supreme Court allows Federal control of the Nixon tapes papers
JUN 28, 1982
Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales, name their baby “William”
JUN 28, 1988
Mike Tyson sues to break contract with manager Bill Cayton
JUN 28, 1992
U.S. Dream Team beats Cuba in first exhibition basketball game, 133-57
JUN 28, 1994
NY Met Pitcher Dwight Gooden is suspended for sixty days due to drug charges
JUN 28, 1996
“The Nutty Professor,” starring Eddie Murphy, opens in theaters in the USA
JUN 28, 2003
“Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl,” directed by Gore Verbinski, starring Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, and Orlando Bloom, premieres at Disneyland
JUN 28, 2005
A final design for Manhattan's Freedom Tower is formally unveiled
JUN 28, 2011
Christine Lagarde becomes the first woman to be elected head of the International Monetary Fund (IMF)
JUN 28, 2017
China’s president, Xi Jinping begins a three-day trip to Hong Kong to mark twenty years since the territory was handed back to China
JUN 28, 2017
“Spider-man: Homecoming,” directed by Jon Watts, starring Tom Holland, Michael Keaton, and Robert Downey Jr., premieres in Los Angeles
JUN 28, 2020
The global death toll from COVID-19 passes 500,000, doubling in less than two months (Johns Hopkins)
JUN 28, 2020
The 50th anniversary of the first Gay Pride march in New York City is marked around the world
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BIRTHDAYS
JUNE 28
Kellie Pickler, singer (38)
Elon Musk, entrepreneur (53)
John Cusack, actor (58)
Mary Stuart Masterson, actress (58)
John Elway, NFL star (64)
Kathy Bates, actress (76)
Mel Brooks, director (98)
JULY 1
Tate McRae, singer (21)
Storm Reid, actress (21)
Hilarie Burton, actress (42)
Liv Tyler, actress (47)
Missy Elliot, rapper (53)
Pamela Anderson, actress (57)
Alan Ruck, Succession star (68)
Dan Ackroyd, comedian (72)
Fred Schneider, B-52's singer (73)
Debbie Harry, Blondie singer (79)
Jamie Farr, M*A*S*H's Klinger (90)
Leslie Caron, actress (93)
Princess Diana (1961-1997)
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